theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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