you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this boner is exhausting
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
