The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
