3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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