he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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