Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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