he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
