i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
