haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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