You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
