Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i've created a new STD.
So much rum. So many feels.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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