i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
