Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
