tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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