it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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