I'm going to jail i love you
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
