He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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