I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
