I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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