she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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