And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
