Well apparently he's into motor boating.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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