How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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