I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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