I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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