I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This is my gift to your gina
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
