Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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