I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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