Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
