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Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Even my vagina gasped.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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