I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
