We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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