Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
