the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
