oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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