my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
