Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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