It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
