I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
