My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We don't watch enough power rangers
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
