Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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