jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
