He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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