just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
