My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
