just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
