The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And then my night got REAL pukey
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
