i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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