She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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