I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
