Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
