The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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