it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
