So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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