Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
