I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just found puke in my bra..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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