I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
