just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
