Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Everyone says I win the strip club
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
