He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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