I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
