I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
