Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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